There's something about watching a 13-year-old stand up in front of their entire family and community, take a deep breath, and just... grow up right before your eyes. It gets me every. single. time.
I've been lucky enough to photograph some really special Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations here in the Tampa area, and I wanted to share the moments that I love seeing the most. The ones that make me think this is why I do this.
Whether you're deep in the planning process right now or just starting to think about your kid's big day, here are the 10 moments I think you'll want to remember forever. Also, a few hints and tips I’ve realized after seeing so many!
The Service
1. The Torah Reading
Here's the thing. Your kid has been practicing for MONTHS. Maybe even a year. And then they step up to the bimah, take the yad in their hand, and start reading from the Torah, and the entire room goes still.
Mostly always I am photographing during the Rehearsal or run-through, but the feelings hit just as hard.
I always position myself where I can see their face AND see you watching them. Because that look of concentration on your child's face, that quiet confidence mixed with just a little bit of nerves, is one of the best things I've ever photographed. And your face while you're watching? That's the other half of the story.
These are the photos families tell me they treasure the most. We know in our hearts this is almost always practice, but PLEASE make sure everyone knows to treat it as the real thing! Happy smiles, take it seriously, and be in the moment!! All your other worries can be thought about later!!
2. The Parent Face
Speaking of your face... can we talk about The Parent Face for a second?
You know the one. It's that moment during the ceremony when it hits you, like REALLY hits you, that your baby just became a young adult. Your chin does that little wobble thing. Your eyes fill up. You try SO hard to keep it together.
(Spoiler: you won't. And that's completely fine because neither will I.)
I live for catching these moments. The proud tears, the knowing glances between parents, the grandparent clutching a tissue. This is the emotional core of the whole day, and I refuse to let it go undocumented.
Some things to remember that ALWAYS get forgotten!
Make sure to get the tallit out ahead of time and get the creases out! by the time we are running through, it’s too late <3
Empty your pockets and take off bright smart watches!! nothing distracts more on photos then seeing your exercise rings light up or having a phone poking out of your pocket!
Talk with your photographer and MAKE that photo list!! no one wants to be missed in that hectic time!
3. Family at the Bimah
There's this moment I LOVE where the whole family comes together at the bimah. Parents, siblings, maybe grandparents, and the rabbi is right there with you. Everyone's dressed up, the light is gorgeous, and there's this energy of pride that just fills the room.
It's not posed. It's not stiff. It's your family, together, in one of the biggest moments you'll share. The synagogue setting, the wooden ark, the stained glass, the warm lighting, gives you a backdrop that no event venue could ever match.
These photos end up framed on mantles. Every time.
4. Father-Daughter / Mother-Son Portraits
Here's one that families sometimes don't think to plan for, but I always recommend: a quiet portrait moment between parent and child, usually at the synagogue before the party kicks off.
Something about that synagogue setting, the stained-glass windows, the warm wood, the soft light filtering through, gives you the most GORGEOUS backdrop. And when it's just you and your kid, the sweetness that comes through is just... I can't even.
These portraits are such a nice contrast to all the party energy later. One moment of calm before the celebration takes over. Trust me, you'll be so glad you have them.
NOW! On to that party!!!!
5. The Candle Lighting Ceremony
Real talk, the candle lighting ceremony is one of my FAVORITE parts of the whole celebration. If you're not familiar, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah invites 13 special people (or groups) up to light a candle, and each one gets a personal dedication. It's basically a love letter to everyone who matters most.
The best part? You get to see your kid's face as they talk about each person. The giggles when they roast their best friends, the serious moment when they talk about grandma (SLAYS ME EVERY TIME), the way their voice gets a little shaky when they get to mom and dad.
And the photos? Golden. LITERALLY golden. Candlelight is some of the most flattering light you'll ever see in a photo.
PLEASE make sure the lighter for this is EASY to use!! I can’t tell you how many people I have seen struggle with lighters! It’s such a small thing but makes a big impact!!
6. The Hora (aka THE CHAIR LIFT)
If you've been to a mitzvah, you KNOW. If you haven't, picture this: your kid gets lifted up on a chair by a crowd of guests while everyone dances in circles around them. It's loud and wild and absolutely EVERYTHING.
The hora is hands-down one of the most high-energy moments I photograph. Everyone's hands are up, the music is pumping, people are cheering, and the guest of honor is up there on that chair with the biggest grin you've ever seen (or a look of pure terror, honestly both are great to photograph).
Pro tip from your photographer friend: give me a heads up on timing for the hora so I can get in the perfect position. This moment happens FAST and I want every angle. (Most DJ’s I work with, Especially the bomb ones we have here in the greater Tampa area ALWAYS check in with me and are amazing if they work a lot of Mitzvah’s. But if not, this is a BIG Tip!)
7. The Dance Floor Chaos
I cannot stress this enough. The dance floor at a mitzvah party is on another LEVEL compared to basically any other event I shoot. These kids bring an energy that no one else comes close to.
I'm talking glow sticks. Cowboy hats. LED sunglasses. Group dances where every single kid knows every single move. Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and “Golden” at full volume with 40 thirteen-year-olds going absolutely wild.
And here's what I love most: the adults eventually get pulled in too. There's always that moment where the parents go from standing on the sidelines to being right in the middle of it, and THOSE photos are some of the most fun, loose, real images of the entire night.
8. The DJ Connection
A great mitzvah DJ is basically running the show, and I LOVE photographing that back-and-forth between the DJ and the crowd. The MC hyping everyone up, the kids singing along, the moment the beat drops and the whole room goes off.
The lighting at mitzvah parties is also SO good for photography. Those purple and blue LED washes, the dance floor lights, the DJ booth glowing in the background. It makes every photo feel like a party, which... it is.
(And yes, I absolutely dance behind my camera. No shame.)
THIS is where the party favors you choose come in! The glow sticks, Light up rings, Flower crowns, this sets the VIBE and gives those more introverted and less physically abled guests a way to feel included!!
9. The Friend Squad
The way these kids show up for each other? I can't handle it. I'm talking matching outfits, group dances they clearly choreographed at somebody's house, inside jokes I don't understand but photograph anyway because the laughter is just too good.
There's always a moment where the guest of honor is surrounded by their closest friends, and you can just SEE the love and excitement coming off of them. These friendships are everything at this age, and having photos of those bonds, the ones who showed up and celebrated their person, is something your kid will look back on forever.
When choosing SWAG, think about how it will look on the dancefloor and AFTER! Hoodies, Hats, T-shirts, are SO MUCH fun to see on the dancefloor, and at school the next week!!!
10. The Quiet In-Between Moments
This is the one that surprises families the most when they get their gallery back.
It's not the hora. It's not the candle lighting. It's the photo of grandpa adjusting the kid's tie before the service. It's mom fixing a flyaway hair. It's your kid taking one deep breath in the hallway before walking out to the bimah. It’s the 3-year-old asleep on his mom’s shoulder. It's two cousins whispering and laughing in the corner during the party.
These are the moments you didn't even know were happening because you were living them. And they end up being some of the best photos of the day.
I'm always watching for these. Always.
One More Thing...
Here's what I want you to know if you're planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah: this day is going to go SO fast. Like, blink-and-you'll-miss-it fast. You're going to be hugging relatives and wrangling teenagers and trying not to cry during the slideshow and suddenly it's midnight and the DJ is playing the last song.
My job is to make sure you don't lose any of it. Every tradition, every dance move, every tear, every belly laugh. I'm getting it all so you can relive this day whenever you want.
Because your kid only becomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah once. And this wild, emotional, AMAZING milestone? It's worth remembering in all its glory.
I'd love to hear about your celebration. Let's chat!
Mel ❤️
Mel Shirley is a photographer based in Brandon, Florida, specializing in mitzvahs, weddings, and family photography. She will absolutely dance with you, cry too much and give way too many hugs…. and she's not even a little bit sorry about it.
